I knew, had known, that Our Creation, Eve’s and Mine, were to be fulfilled in our acquisition of the Name(s) He had declared to me as time went on. And despite – or maybe because of that day, that serpent and that fruit – I knew that We had somehow been destined take on His Name(s), and utterly to realize – to make real in Creation – His Image in Us. We were not only to know His Name(s), but entirely to make them our own. The Name(s)? “Lover”, “Beloved”, and “Love”.
And I knew that we had torn that destiny asunder.
God’s words to Eve sadly declared her reality. She was my beloved, but would now be “ruled over” rather than simply cherished and treasured. She was my lover, but would now yearn for me and desire me, without the total satiation we had known until now. That perfect security, knowing… and knowing that she knew, that I love(d) her utterly and completely… that security would now be gone. The doubt in her, this mistrust, the possibility of deception, would now forevermore taint our relationship. And the pure love that she would have known as mother, as we brought forth children as painlessly as she had emerged from my own side… that would now be tinged with pain and revulsion, both in the bearing and even in the raising of what should have been pure expressions of our mutual trust.
God’s words to me were no more harsh, but more encompassing. We were to have been, in and with Him, in and with all His/Her/Their Name(s)… deathless and perfect “lover”, “beloved” and “love” in and throughout the Cosmos. Nothing would have rivalled the co-creation possible in the harmony among man, woman, and God as time extended through space and fate.
But now, all that weave was undone. The loom was fractured. I was mortal. I was fractured. I had divided my consciousness between Reality as it Is in Him, and unreality and denial of Him. I had begotten the terrifying chimera of darkness, dissonance, self-alienation. The fear, the terror and shame that I had known over these hours…
God’s words were not so much “curse” to me, as “relief” and “rescue”. He spoke of death, of returning to dust, which would be a most welcome relief to what I was presently feeling. For in a realm like this, a place of pure consciousness and the immediate pulsing of life… dissonance, lies, deceit, alienation… are tangible things. They burned like acid. These were the things from which we needed to hide, to which we were vulnerable. One does not think of “shame” as creating palpable pain. Let me assure you, in a realm like that Garden, the pain is direct, indeed.
In violating His words, His instruction, I had violated my relationship with the kingdom. They would no longer honor my care for them, my protection of them. They would now oppose me. The soil would reject me, as if it could sense my deceit, my doubts, my fears. The soil would yield me vegetation as twisted as my heart had now become.
And death, the vibrancy of pulsing life, that Radiance that had poured forth from Him into everything and everyone around Him… that pulse would slow, then ebb, then cease in my body. The life He breathed into me… that went with my destiny, His Name(s)… which I had now lost my claim upon. There was darkness to me, stain in my heart, that no longer would admit my proper Name(s)… His Name(s), “Lover”, “Beloved”, and “Love”.
I knew somehow, that I yet would experience them in a veiled way, in a muted and lesser way. But never again would I know that immediacy, that transparency, that intimacy that I’d enjoyed before. Never again could I access my name(s) directly.
I had the very distinct, yet mysterious, conviction that somehow to take these Name(s) into me directly, in my current state, would kill me… that I would cease to be. They would overwhelm my frame in their sheer power.
I could “sense” all of this, though not all the words were as clear as I’ve just stated. It took a long time for these thoughts, these realizations, to gel within me. But even there, even then, I knew that God’s next actions were not punishment, but blessing. I knew that somehow He was protecting us, nurturing us, aiding us, even as He took His final actions towards us in the Garden.
The God made garments of skin for me and my wife, and clothed us, and said – as if to Himselves — “Behold, the man has become like one of Us, knowing good and evil; and now, he might stretch out his hand, and take also from the tree of life, and eat, and live forever”—
I knew, somehow, that for us to eat of that fruit would have trapped us forever in our fear, our shame, our misery. Time did not flow in the Garden as it could elsewhere. Our misery may have become eternal. The Lover, the Beloved, and Love could not allow such a tragedy to overtake us.
Therefore the God sent us out from the Garden of Eden, to cultivate the ground from which I was taken. So He drove us out; and at the east of the garden of Eden He stationed a terrible being with a flaming sword which turned every direction to guard the way to the Tree of Life.
Why “Our Rescue” I hear you ask?
Have you yet to hear my words, sense what I sensed, know what I – what WE – had? See what we both lost? Do you still not know why this is what it is? Do my words not yet make sense to you? Have I failed in even this?
My child, you must see, must know, what WE are meant to be.
Thus, He/She/They made way, over time, for me and my children to rediscover our True Names one day, and thus return to the Kingdom of His Garden.
We were always saved. Always!
Now do you see?
[The End (of this story)… and the Next Beginning (of life in our world)!]