Pulling the Heads Off Flies — Part II

15 Feb

Drosophila melanogasterAll righty then…

When last we left our intrepid padawan, Little Monk sat, frustrated and convicted… of “judging others”, by the very act of LOOKING AT THEM! *sigh*..

Best efforts not withstanding, conviction notwithstanding, repentance notwithstanding, even the Lord’s good will and undivided attention notwithstanding… try as I might to pass even one single hour without “judging” anyone or anything… I failed.

I’d asked the Lord to do me the kindness of “buzzing me”, making clear to me and my conscience, when I “looked upon another with measurement”, or “judged” another, and He was kind enough to honor my request. This resulted in hours of His gentle reminders, somewhere from 4 to 6 times an hour, over three or so hours.

The result? Sheer frustration!

After three hours of sheer frustration, I felt so deeply angry at myself, defeated, and futile. I felt weak, helpless, ashamed… totally aggravated… and the ultimate irony. The Lord said, “Little Monk, you’re doing it to YOURSELF now, and I won’t allow that either! Stop it!”

AARRGGHH!!! And in utter rage and futility I flopped down on my couch and said, “I give up! I can’t do it! I hear this, I see this, I know what You want… I am WILLING… in fact, I now passionately WANT to be free of this sin. But it seems WIRED in me. I have no idea how to learn ‘not to see this way’. I give up!”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

To which, Jesus simply said, “Good! Stay that way, because you cannot fix this, but *I* can. Just hold still, and let Me transform. YOU needed to ‘renew’… you needed to see this, understand this, and renounce this. But YOU cannot fix it. It is beyond your ability. I must transform this in you and your heart. Like any sin, I can take it away… you cannot remove it by your own strength. But I needed to let you try. Now, sit back, be patient with yourself, and give Me some time to work. I have this now.”

So things are. He is working. I don’t know how and won’t try to describe it. But I’m learning, slowly, simply to “gaze, then bless” rather than “gaze, then measure”. It will take time, I know. It’s kind of like feeling a tightness in your chest gradually relaxing.

Well, you can understand, I know… What am I saying really? What’s the affirmation?

I’m saying, “Gosh… I judge others. That’s wrong, that’s sin. I need to stop. Jesus says ‘don’t judge lest ye be judged.’ And I’ve been convicted of this, and repented it.

How has Jesus responded to that?

I, of myself, cannot correct my tendency to fail here, my innate vulnerability is too strong. However, Jesus having brought my attention to His word(s) on this (Matthew 7), and my having surrendered in submission of will to His authority on this (Romans 12:1), my focus and willingness to allow this Truth to “soak into” my mind and rewire my very consciousness (Romans 12:2). opens the way for Jesus Himself to “transform” me.

I’ve found that THAT transformation is (always) beyond my own skill, power, or authority… However, the Lord Himself really needs me to “get out of His way” when He determines to rewire such a thing.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

So… how has this all turned out? Simple… slowly…

I THOUGHT I needed to try some bizarre “custody of the eyes”… that the Lord somehow wanted me to “stop looking” at others with a discerning eye. But, rather… that’s not how it’s been working out…

What has been happening is interesting… I yet look upon others as my mind, heart, or spirit flow in their direction. BUT, rather than my “spiritual hand” extending outwards towards them with my “measurement forceps or calipers” within my fingers… my hand extends outwards towards them, extended flat in benediction and blessing.

This has not been so through an act of my own will, but rather it has been so of its own accord, and I’ve seemed “prompted to observe” the difference between the “now” and the “before”.

So, here’s just an “experiential observation” offered to you for your own “spiritual experimentation”, but I’ve had this happen to me a few times before in my life. It’s like Jesus offering me “training wheels” for a time, as I develop a new way of thinking, perceiving, or behaving. When this becomes “muscle memory”, and its own reliable discipline, no doubt I shall be held accountable for maintaining it… but right now, this is sheer grace gift.

I’d love to hear of any parallel learning you have known in your own walk, Gentle Readers. This isn’t so much “teaching”, as a simple “report along the way of the journey”.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Jesus concluded with this:

“God Himself wrote with His own hand, ‘Mene, Mene, Tekel, Upharsin.’ on the walls of Babylon. Only God can say such a thing. YOU cannot. So, stop doing it, saying it, thinking it, or even feeling it. It is simply and totally My job, not yours… above your pay grade. K?”

I nodded, happily… realizing that I am His child who doesn’t have to carry that responsibility. And He pats me on the head. “Good.”

Pray for me, always! Please! And grace to thee!


Posted by on February 15, 2014 in Quiet Time, Sermon Seeds, Uncategorized


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12 responses to “Pulling the Heads Off Flies — Part II

  1. paulfg

    February 15, 2014 at 1:44 AM

    Slightly different rose petals.

    Do “not judge” so that you “will not be judged”. 2 For in “the way” you judge, “you” will be judged; and by “your” standard of measure, it will be measured to “you”…” [Matthew 7]

    DNA says I will. Stopping is not the solution. “The way” is the solution. If I try to stop judging in order that I will not be judged – FAIL! Me me me. If I accept that the Man of Shrewd dna’d us with assessment dna – how do I make use of that? How do I let him make use of this dna. Rather than how do I deny I even have this dna and “earn” forgiveness and grace.

    Less cross, less flagealation, more love. Love indwelling and outpouring. Sacred in and sacred out.

    Man you light some fuses LM! That rose garden is a beautiful place. Has the scent of heaven!! Thank you.

    (now off to wander round and around your rose!) 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Little Monk

      February 15, 2014 at 5:07 AM

      How cool, Paul! I think you got it right… we’re seeing “the same thing”, but you saw it from the front in the abstract…. and I’m having to “discern” it from the back end, as I feel Him making this happen through my hands. For you it’s “induction”, for me “deduction”.

      You said: “DNA says I will. Stopping is not the solution. “The way” is the solution. If I try to stop judging in order that I will not be judged – FAIL! Me me me. If I accept that the Man of Shrewd dna’d us with assessment dna – how do I make use of that?”

      What I am just NOW, this evening (well, morning, actually) getting an inkling of is… “I am intended to ‘bless’ my universe.” Only. Always. Including to intercede for, or assist, or pray for. To ‘help’, pray, or minister, I have to discern ‘need’. I am ‘wired’ to ‘perceive what may be lacking’ for someone. Why? In order to bless them, to help, to provide… or to pray. But NOT to assign value to that… (or lack of value)… THAT is completely out of order.

      Like… if my job is to feed my family, then I need to know who is hungry. Not to belittle the hungry one, or praise the other. Simply to know who needs food put on their plate, and who doesn’t. Who cares which is which? That’s not the point at all. It’s just serving the potatoes to the right one that matters.

      Still… still… working on this. It’s kind of at the tips of my fingers conceptually… but I think this is the heart of the matter. You got it conceptually from the front, it’s all about ‘how to love’. I’m getting it experientially from the praxis. Seeing where this leads my spirit as Jesus changes my hands.

      How fabulous a God is this, eh? Grace — LM


      • paulfg

        February 15, 2014 at 5:25 AM

        “I think this is the heart of the matter.”

        Struck me gently – for me this maybe getting to the heart of the “discipling” tussle in my heart. Discerning need. The activity of love amongst others.

        “Then I need to know who is hungry …” Is not action. It is knowing, discerning, communing …. And also why/how Jesus was so perfect. He knew “who was hungry” and for what. And blended his actions/words/gestures to fit.

        I feel another fuse lit and fizzing – but no Boom just yet. Wow!!! So many wows!!

        Liked by 1 person

        • Little Monk

          February 15, 2014 at 5:28 AM

          Is it my imagination, or does this feel like a quiet Saturday afternoon out in the backyard with Da and Big Brother, just playing “catch” and enjoying the sunshine? No pressure, no fastballs… just toss, catch, toss, catch, toss the other direction, fumble, no problem… get the ball… toss, laugh…


          • paulfg

            February 15, 2014 at 9:18 AM

            Very sunny Saturday. Lying on the grass patting fruit flies. Thinking this might just be “the answer’s love, now what were you thinking about. ” kind of afternoon.

            Liked by 1 person

        • Little Monk

          February 15, 2014 at 10:23 PM

          Heh heh heh… look at the mischief we can get into when Don’s not around to babysit… Lol


          • paulfg

            February 16, 2014 at 1:28 AM

            I miss Don. Never “knew that” until yesterday.


          • Little Monk

            February 16, 2014 at 1:35 AM

            Yeah. He really reminds me of the “grown up” along on the Field Trip. And I’m so glad he’s with us! 🙂


  2. vwoods1212

    February 15, 2014 at 7:21 PM

    I get your frustration; i got to the point of fighting with a certain sin a while back and then was so disgusted with myself I fasted for several days then it besieged my very thoughts as I fasted; i got a breakthrough when I heard “cast your cares upon me for i careth for you” what? what? just that? very well Sir. Take it, I am throwing it at you, your big shoulders can handle it, take it away. Hmmm, it was gone in minutes.
    I stared at the skies and said,’you are a miracle worker”. He sure is.W

    Liked by 1 person

    • Little Monk

      February 15, 2014 at 8:48 PM

      Wow, yes. Thank you so much VW! You have honored my request for “parallel testimonies”. Not only is your example valuable, but also you remind me that this post of mine is just ONE example… one testimony… of ‘A” way Jesus teaches and guides in my own life.

      Like Paulfg’s observation today, that, “And his gestures are perfect for that moment and me. His questions. His actions. His words. His touch. Always perfect.”

      Jesus meets our needs, meets the needs and desires of heart of ANY and EVERY who seek Him, in the perfect way for US in a given time, place, moment. This issue, for me, for right now… He came in Bible Study, then meditation. For you, there was fasting on that occasion. For many of us, He comes as we write and study. OFTEN, does He not come when we worship in song or music, speaking into our hearts with tears we cannot explain?

      Thank you so much VW. I hope others will add to this collection, whether that is about “sin met and conquered” (no specifics needed), or just those remarkable moments when so clearly the “Holy Spirit comes to teach us all things and bring them to our remembrance”, in ways totally unexpected, usually painless, and amazingly effective.

      Grace to thee — LM



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